In the memoir Mean by Myriam Gurba, Gurba takes the reader through her childhood and her adult life. Gurba takes on sexual violence, abuse, and life experiences; turning these dark and serious matters into comedy. She grew up as what she describes a queer Mexican woman and the experiences she went through growing up made her the person she is today. Gurba uses her dark sense of humor to tackle these very hard topics, such as the hardships of growing up female.
Throughout the memoir, Gurba Gurba ties everything towards the hardship of growing up as a woman. Gurba opens the book with the rape and murder of Sophia, showing how innocent and scared Sophia is. Gurba says, “[Sophia] clutches her purse. Her fingers worry its strap” (1). Girls and young woman walk the streets of the town they think is safe everyday until something terrifying like this happens. Girls worry that something like this will happen to them and Gurba shows how traumatic these situations are. Later on in the memoir, Gurba talks about her sister Ofelia’s eating disorder. She doesn’t really allude to this but society gives girls this stereotype of how they are supposed to look, how skinny you are supposed to be. This stereotype traps young girls like Ofelia and makes them think they have to adapt to these societal norms. Gurba goes to her mom saying “Ofelia has anorexia” (50). Her mom doesn’t believe her and says that Ofelia just needs to eat more. Gurba then brings this attention to her dad who says the same thing. Her parents didn’t notice how bad this was until it was almost too late. Many girls at a young age go through something traumatic and society shapes these girls into unhealthy human beings.
Gurba does use humor throughout the book to deal with and talk about these events but the way she describes these events are also very real and raw. There are so many emotions that I personally felt reading this memoir, even when she did make use of humor in describing these events.
Discussion questions:
- How do the language and the description of these types of scenes make you feel with the use of humor?
- Can the stereotypes that society presses on people also be good? Are they just bad?
Gurba, Myriam. Mean. Coffee House Press, 2017.
Hi Greta! I really loved how your blog post stressed what women experience growing up. It is so important to recognize the problems in society that women face as well as everyday hardships. When it comes to sexual assault, this is a very common problem that happens way too often in society and there needs to be more punishment for it. Women are often scared to do things on their own such as walk along the street/sidewalk, go grocery shopping, go for a run, etc. The fact that there is a fear to perform these normal tasks shows that there is a big problem. With body image, women are expected to look a certain way whether we want to admit it or not. Having this exhausting pressure to fit what the “norm” is for a woman’s body puts a tremendous amount of stress of women, especially young teens/adults. In the memoir the quote, “An extra-large T-shirt hid Ofelia, but I was certain that underneath it she looked like Jack, the skeleton who was the animated movie’s hero.” (Gurba 53) gives an insight into even with suffering with anorexia, Ophelia is still hiding her body, proving that society will never be satisfied with a woman’s body unless it is almost unrealistic. Regarding to your first question, I feel that the humor is used to lighten the scenes as they are very dark and traumatic. Answering your second question, I feel that stereotypes in society tend to only bring people down, not benefit them. I think that stereotypes are very insensitive and negative when regarding to someone’s physical appearance, mental health, and well-being in general. Great job on your post Greta! These topics are so important.
Good job with this comment, Delayne! Bringing in that moment when Gurba compares Ofelia to a skeleton is really helpful and illuminating.
Score: 5 out of 5
Hi Greta! I loved your post! It was very well written. I am going to tackle your second question as it is something I find very interesting in how Gurba wrote. I believe that the stereotypes that society presses on people actually can be a good thing. Issues such as what a woman should look like should be talked about more and why these stereotypes are used because many people don’t understand that woman are beautiful in all shapes and sizes. In “Mean,” Gurba talks about Ofelia and how she does not eat in order to fit into the stereotype of how women should look. On page 50, Gurba writes, “It was a hearty meal if she ate an entire scoop of corn” (Gurba 50). This shows that Ofelia is starving herself which can be diagnosed as an eating disorder. The topic of mental health and eating disorders need to be talked about more for the well being of women. If stereotypes are brought up ore in a conversation setting where people can talk about what is wrong with these stereotypes, I believe these stereotypes could be very beneficial.
Hi Brianna. Good job with this comment. It seems like what you’re actually saying is that stereotypes are negative, but that by talking about them (as Gurba does) we can work to dismantle their force. Does that sound right?
Score: 5 out of 5
Hey Greta! I really liked your post and its understanding of how women are treated. Not only do you depict how clearly women are ignored when it comes to their health issues, especially issues like eating disorders. But the way you explained Gurba’s parents reactions is really great too. I have to say that this whole chapter broke my heart, especially the first page of the chapter. “As a premenstrual girl, she’d been soft, round and sensitive. Like, hearing Dad call Mom a bitch could make her cry (Gurba 49)”. My heart goes out for these girls and the fact that her parents were not willing to believe that Ofelia was anorexia is even more devastating. Relating to your question on whether or not stereotypes could be good? I would say that they are almost never good or have a benefit on people unless they are used to go against what is expected. Overall, I loved your description of chapter.
Good job with this comment, Caroline. It can be hard for parents to admit that their children are sick — parents want their children to be flourishing, happy, and healthy. It sounds like Gurba’s parents quickly realized the severity of the situation, unlike the doctor who will go on to treat more patients and similarly ignore anorexia in Latinas (and who knows what other dangerous, incorrect, stereotypical beliefs he holds).
Score: 5 out of 5
Hi Greta, great post!
Your second question really stood out to me because it was a topic in a class I took my freshman year here at Cortland (with that being about four years ago I’m not entirely sure which class it was but I believe it was Introduction to WGS Studies). From my personal understanding, no stereotype is a good stereotype because every stereotype is the act of shoving people into boxes based on their identity and can cause preconceived notions that such an individual feels a need to live up to but cannot. One stereotype that I can think of in Gurba’s memoir comes with the story of her sister’s battle with anorexia.
When Ofelia is taken to the first doctor he says she can’t be anorexic because “You’re Mexican” (Gurba 51). This in itself is a stereotype that basically says that Mexican individuals cannot have eating disorders, which is not only strange but the doctor doesn’t explain himself any further. This stereotype leads to more suffering on Ofelia’s part but could also possibly stem from a very outdated idea that race plays a factor in how people experience pain. Historically black women were used as experiments because white doctors thought they felt pain differently, so I wonder if these two things are related.
Great job with this comment, Madison! Hopefully, you have these definitions of “stereotype” in your notes from earlier in the semester:
1) A widely held but fixed and oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person or thing
2) An oversimplified generalization about a person or group of people without regard for individual differences
3) A cultural representation that is invested with authority and upheld by social institutions
Score: 5 out of 5
Hi Greta, I really liked your blog post! I also felt many emotions while I was reading this story. I felt a lot of shock in the way she spoke about some of the topics. In regards to your second question, I believe that stereotypes created by society have mostly negative impacts on people. Girls especially deal with these negative effects from society. Gurba shows how difficult it is for girls to deal with the pressures of society a lot throughout her memoir. One big thing that Gurba talks about is eating disorders. Gurba writes, “She naturally had the kind of body Ofelia had almost killed herself to achieve” (Gurba 55). In this she is talking about how another Mexican girl is the beauty standard that her sister so badly wanted to be, due to the pressure from society that girls are supposed to be small and skinny. Gurba’s sister would go to any lengths to become what society told her she should be, just as many other girls would today as well.
Good with this comment, Erin! It also seems important that Ofelia was training to be a ballerina, where the expectations for women’s bodies can be even more intense and damaging.
Score: 5 out of 5
Hi Greta! I really enjoyed reading your post. I liked how you spoke about the terrible experience’s women go through growing up. I think it’s unfair the fact that women have to live in constant fear. I think it’s crazy how women can’t walk down the street without something happening to them whether it’s someone cat calling them or being stared inappropriately. I don’t think it is okay for a woman to not be able to wear a crop top without a man trying to talk to her. Society has this idea that when a woman wears a crop top, or a short skirt that they are “asking for it.” I think that women should be able to wear what they want without being harassed or pointed out. I think the stereotypes that society presses on people are bad because I feel like everyone deserves to feel comfortable in their own skin. Society has the idea that all women need to look a certain way and I don’t think it is fair because everyone is beautiful in their own way. In Mean it states, “She’d be at them looking skinny, pretty, and Mexican. She was a bobblehead Mexican, the kind that are so skinny you worry their heads will fall off if they get excited. I didn’t know much about Elizabeth other than that boys were really into her and wanted to have sex with her.” (Gurba 55). This proves that society has the image that women need to be skinny in order to be considered pretty. I think this stereotype puts a lot of pressure on women and how they view themselves because it causes women to have insecurities which messes with their mental health. I think that is ridiculous. Women shouldn’t have to live this way. Society really needs to do better.
Great job with this comment, Angelica!
Score: 5 out of 5
Hi Gretta I felt like you did a good job with your topic. In my opinion I feel like the stereotype’s society presses onto people could be good but not for the right reasons. For example, there was the thing said to Gurba’s friend Ashley while having intercourse “he told her that she looked like Alicia Silverstone the girl from clueless” (42) and “After giving Ashley this complement, Steve ate her ass” (42). Because in the mid 90’s to maybe late 2000’s there was a good chance that every male was trying to fulfill their dreams and sleep and have sex with someone who looked like any famous white actress. So, the stereotypical white girl at this time was probably someone like Ashley and the boys would chase after them. But then there are people like Gurba who don’t fit the stereotypical girl that boys would chase after “The two stupidest races ever. Combined!” (41).
Hi Scott. I’m not yet sure that I’m seeing the positive aspect of stereotypes that you suggest here. As a reminder from earlier in the semester, here are some definitions of stereotypes:
1) A widely held but fixed and oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person or thing
2) An oversimplified generalization about a person or group of people without regard for individual differences
3) A cultural representation that is invested with authority and upheld by social institutions
Also, if you’re going to include an offensive quote like the one you conclude with, make sure to analyze its significance in terms of the larger overall point you’re trying to make.
Score: 4 out of 5
Hey Greta!! I really enjoyed reading your blog post. I felt you mentioned a lot of great points when it comes to the way how women are treated within this society. I personally feel stereotypes created within this society are very negative as it creates a false narrative about women. For instance, most women live in constant fear of being harassed or criticized due to their physical appearance and the way they talk. The quote that stood out to me the most is “She was a bobblehead Mexican, the kind that are so skinny you worry their heads will fall off if they get excited. I didn’t know much about Elizabeth other than that boys were really into her and wanted to have sex with her” (Gurba 55). This statement is very powerful as it resembles that most women are seen as a sex symbol and not for there power or worth. This remark would make any woman upset as it is degrading her intelligence and appearance just by a basic assumption that is being stated. We must come together as a society in order to stop degrading women and get to know each other for who we are on the inside. In this day and age, mental health is talked about constantly and most women deal with body dysmorphia due to the way this society promotes the “ideal body type”. Every person has a story and we must not forget to be kind to one another.
Good job with this comment, Jenna!
Score: 5 out of 5
Hi Greta! I really enjoyed reading your blog post and thought you highlighted some really important stereotypes that women face in society. In regards to your second question, I believe that the stereotypes society presses on women are negative and have a major effect on how women think they need to act, look, and even feel. Gurba writes about her sister saying, “My sister, Ofelia, was trying to be gorgeous.” (Gurba, 49). We later on learn that Ofelia developed an eating disorder to try and “fit” society’s definition of a gorgeous girl. This way of thinking has caused so much damage on women’s mental health too as it takes over their whole way of thinking. Even though the stereotypes society has pressed on people, (women in particular), are bad, in the past few years, it has brought a lot of awareness to eating disorders, mental health, and body images through the use of social media. There has been so much support and awareness that in some ways could show a good side of this. Social media is a powerful thing and the effects of it can be detrimental especially when people are hating on others, but there are also so many people who are supporting others out there trying to bring awareness to such a major subject that many people face daily in our society.
Good job with this comment, Sydney. It sounds like what you’re saying is that stereotypes are bad, but it’s important to talk about them (as Gurba and many others do) in order to diminish the power that they hold over people’s lives.
Score: 5 out of 5
Hi Greta! I really enjoyed your blog post and thought you brought up some really important points. In regards to your second discussion question, I do not think that these stereotypes are ever good. I think that they can be very harmful and even perpetuate the issues at hand. In regards to these stereotypes it is often seen as the fault of the women. People say things like (in regards to school dress codes), “She was wearing that strappy top so the men then got distracted” instead of “He looked at her that way.” Also, the fact that “she got pregnant” rather than “he got her pregnant”. All of these phrases make it seem like it is the women’s fault that men do this to them. Instead, society should make it so that it is the man’s fault. With these ideas, it continues the cycle of sexual assault because men never get blamed, it is only the woman. One example would be when Gurba says, “My skirt-wearing style attracted admirers, and since Democrats were raising me, I was nice to them” (Gurba 35). In this quote it says My skirt attracted admirers. It should instead be “They creepy man admired my skirt”. This could show that it is the fault of the man. That the male gaze is dangerous and makes the woman feel vulnerable. Women should be able to wear anything that they want without feeling that men will assault them.
I also feel like the stereotype involving anorexia and eating disorders are harmful because it can create this “ideal” image that a woman should be. Instead, it should be removed by society in order to change the way a woman should be seen.
Great job with this comment, Alaina! You do an excellent job examining how, in a patriarchal society, women are often blamed for the harmful actions of men.
Score: 5 out of 5
Hi Greta I enjoyed reading your blog post. To answer your second question on whether stereotypes can also be good, I would say that stereotypes are predominantly bad and even the “good” stereotypes are dangerous for women . Women face many stereotypes due to their gender and often times these stereotypes create expectations. Many stereotypes women face have to do with how they look which results in society valuing women for their beauty and physical attractiveness. This puts pressure on women to look a certain way and to meet many unrealistic beauty standards. We see this in Mean on page 55 when Gurba talks and focuses on their friends body. Gurba states “She naturally had the kind of body Ofelia had almost killed herself to achieve”. This line about her sister developing an eating disorder shows the seriousness and damage expectations have on women. Society has taught girls from a young age that there is one standard to beauty and if you don’t look a certain way you aren’t beautiful in societies eyes. These stereotypes that create harmful expectations lead to mental health issues for women.
Good job with this comment, Caitlin, just be sure that your quotes are in proper MLA format.
Score: 4 out of 5
Hi Greta! I really liked your post! I enjoyed the fact the you brought up how Gurba turned the horrible things that happened to her into humor. I believe the key to getting through life’s obstacles is being able to joke about them, obviously sexual violence is nothing to be joking about. However the victim must do whatever it takes to move on and be able to leave the past behind. Too answer your second question I believe that any type of stereotype is bad. Like on page 42 with the statement of “Ashley had blonde hair but no lips”(Gurba, 42). This implies that people are judging her just based of her appearance. Also the statement “She naturally had the kind of body Ofelia had almost killed herself to achieve” (Gurba, 55). This is implying that Ofelia was trying to change herself into a stereotype that she wanted people to see in her.
Also sorry this is late I thought it got posted Tuesday but it did not for some reason so I had to retype it
Good job with this comment, Logan, just be sure to proofread and use proper MLA-text citations.
Score: 4 out of 5
Great job on this post Greta! I really liked that you focused on how Gurba uses her dark humor to deal with growing up a queer Mexican woman. Some might feel uncomfortable with Gurba’s use of dark humor but I feel like her dark humor is so telling of how life really truly is, it is dark and uncomfortable and if you cannot joke about those situations and take everything super seriously, life will be very difficult. She is very sarcastic and witty, and it makes for really great story telling. Women have their own set of issues, especially when it comes to name-calling, you would rarely hear someone calling a man the things people call women. These words are more than just the average insults, there are reasons they are only aimed towards women and Gurba welcomes those insults, getting upset would only give power to the people who call her those things so might as well own it and make light of the situation. We see this when there is a dispute with her father, ” Dad has gotten so pissed at Mom, my sister and me that he has called us bitches. When he calls us this word, I want to say, “Dad, we’re just making your life more interesting. Remember?”.” (Gurba, 18) This not only shows her snarky attitude but also how she isn’t fully upset at being called that, it’s almost funny to her, or at least she has been called it so much to the point where she is desensitized to it and the only thing she can do is to laugh at the situation.
Works Cited
Gurba, Myriam. Mean. Coffee House Press, 2017.